There are three successive steps towards marriage everyone should take. First is “choosing well”. The second step is acceptance. And the third step is commitment. I will explain each of these steps towards marriage in the order above, because they should be taken in that order.
Choosing well. It’s not that random meetings cannot turn into your perfect marriage. Often times that is exactly what happens. But If you allowed every random meeting to turn into a relationship your life would be a jungle of relationships, some choking off others, and some choking you. Obviously, we pick and choose who we want to keep at arms distance, who we want in our inner circle, and who is worthy of receiving our dedicated love forever and forever. Choosing well is a science, and you can take our inexpensive course to learn best practices in depth. But basically the rule of thumb for your lifemate is to choose someone
- You have tremendous admiration for
- Will make a great parent
- Does not have a tendency towards drugs or alcohol
- Has no flaw that you cannot totally accept
Acceptance is the second of the steps towards marriage. A big part of getting along is being accepting of the other person. This is true even in friendships. But in marriage, where you are spending your life in each others constant presence, it is imperative you are understanding and thus accepting. If there are flaws that get your goat you do not have the right to express your frustration, as if they have to change to please all your little (or big) quirks. It won’t happen anyway. If you do not turn your outer frustrations into inner maturity you are really not ready to get married. In our premarital course we go into this deeply, giving you the tools you need to become accepting. What we cannot give you is the determination to do so. That has to come from within.
Commitment is the last of the steps towards marriage. In other words you have to work through all the pros and cons in your mind before you can say to your love that you are ready to make it a lifelong commitment. You have to imagine being with them for the rest of your life. What does it look like? Is it scary, or is it sweet? If it is sweet, and all the important aspects of aligned values are there, you are ready to take the final step towards marriage.
Have you taken the 3 steps towards marriage?
The three steps towards marriage, listed above, are important. Sometimes couples take them without thinking it through. That’s fine. As long as you have done it, how you did it is less important. We just want your marriage to succeed. Because if you do things right you will.