Babies are wonderful little additions to the lives of a happily married couple. But if they, children, arrive too early, or if you are not adequately prepared, it will be close to disastrous; really. That is why you have to wait to have a baby.
You can wait to have a baby and really enjoy the experiences that come with parenting, or you can not wait to have a baby, and everyone suffers…pretty simple.
I know that does not answer the actual question, but I want you to know the decision should be not be made lightly; It is a huge deal, because children who are raised in an intact family fare better in life, emotionally, socially and academically.
The common misconception about children doing “fine” when there is a divorce is utter nonsense. It is so crazy to even imagine that could be true! Obviously, the few “experts” who make that claim just want to justify their own failures. Kids need both parents, and they need them both to love and respect each other (no fighting)… Now, we can address the question.
How Long Should We Wait To Have a Baby?
The answer is “simple”, but there are a lot of parts to it. So here are the considerations that change the answer.
- Is this the first and only marriage for both of you?
- Have you been living together?…If yes, then how long?
- How long have you known each other?
- How close to each other are you? Are you more friends, or romantic partners?
- Are there children from other marriages in your new family? What are their ages?
- How many have you talked about having? Do you have a plan for your family?
- How stable are each of you? Are there alcohol or drug issues? Are there gambling issues?
Those are the questions we would ask you individually. What we really want to know before we answer is even more important; have you taken our premarital program, which utterly prepares you for marriage? Because, above all else
Marriage MUST Be Rock Solid And Improving Every Day
When you first get married, even when you were living together first, your first order of marriage business (if you took our program you would learn all this) is to deal with your own internal reactive habits. Did you know that? It is because those are what get in the way of marital progress; which is marital, otherwise known as, unconditional love. This process, though individual, usually takes a good year or two.
If, however, you have known each other since you were little kids, and are already best friends; and treat each other with love and respect, then the one to two years is not so necessary. but you still will benefit from our program!
Lastly, because we are an institution set up to help marriages we are accessible for your questions. It is better to ask, if you are not sure.
Bottom line; a year or two is usually the time frame, but the REAL time is when your marriage is rock solid, and improving every day (after a year); then you are ready.