Are You Prepared For Your Second Marriage?

As a seven-year-old, like every other young boy at that age, I was sure if I concentrated enough, I could fly like Superman.

Are You Prepared For Your Second Marriage?
Are You Prepared For Your Second Marriage?

So, I would tie a blanket (my cape) around my neck and stand up on the porch railing. I poured every ounce of focus into my little body and leaped as far into the sky as I could, just like Superman on TV.

When the inevitable “landing” took place, I figured I did something wrong, and gave it another try. I didn’t give up. But I never flew either.

Unfortunately, perseverance, if you want to succeed, does not apply to actions that defy physics. And this is where we need to ask the question:

Are you prepared for your second marriage, or are you about to try defying physics yet again?

  • What are you going to do differently this time around?
  • What, specifically, did you do wrong in your first marriage?
  • Did you actually study anything about courting before you started dating again?
  • Have you studied anything scientific about marriage?
  • Have you dealt with the kids issue?

There are more questions I can ask, but I don’t want to overwhelm you and make you think your marriage is in trouble. (But it probably is.)

You can ensure your new marriage will work. The idea of this article is to inspire, or scare you if that works, into learning more about marriage than you knew during the first one. Too many people blame their ex, or some life circumstance, for their first marriage failure. And I cannot tell you how many times I have heard “we were too young and stupid.”

So, are you now “older and stupid”? The statistics state more second marriages fail than first ones. Because, and here is a life lesson you should remember, no matter how many times you try something that will not work, it will still never work. You can quote me (or the millions of others who have put it differently) on that!

General advice for soulmates trying for the second time around is easy. Stick to this and you can have a good marriage:

  1. Never take your spouse for granted. — It is too easy to take advantage and take for granted. Don’t do it. The word for changing yourself instead of having expectations of your spouse is “maturity.”
  2. Never put your own needs and/or desires ahead of your spouse’s. — Selflessness is the greatest ideal to constantly strive for in your marriage. It will reap great rewards in unexpected ways. Selflessness is a key virtue in marriage.
  3. Make your commitment a life or death vow, no matter what. — Commitment is not something your spouse has to earn. It is about your own integrity and substance.

Not everyone will go the extra mile to actually study marriage. But you should. Marriage is complex and complicated. It is the most rewarding of all relationships, but you need to know how it works, so you can create a successful marriage. You can be prepared for your second marriage as long as you put the effort in.

This time around you have the same opportunity to have the best marriage ever. Don’t blow it. Don’t be so crazy, or lazy, that you think you know enough about marriage; make sure you do. It is easier than having to find articles on third marriages. That’s for sure.

 

4 thoughts on “Are You Prepared For Your Second Marriage?

  1. princevinco Reply

    I am sorry to say that some women are not marriageable and they know it. As a result, men who marry such women end up enduring their marriage. A woman whose marriage failed once, if she fail to tackle the root cause of why that marriage failed is an indication that she is not yet ready for a second marriage.

    The evidence that you are ready for your second marriage is to carry out a detailed analysis of what went wrong with your first marriage as to take corrections. But if you fail to resolve to take adequate corrective actions such as removing some abnormalities with your first marriage, your second marriage may still fail as well.

  2. Paul Friedman Post authorReply

    Dear one
    Understanding marriage is a must if you wish to know what you did “wrong”..Marriage education is always the reasonable course to take for those in one, or about to be in one…Thanks for your comment

    • Eliza Reply

      Some of the best advice I read before getting into a relationship many years after a divorce was to pick the 3 things you did that contributed to your marriage breakdown and work on improving them. The first one was communication and I am happy to say that I have improved greatly in that regard. I speak up when things are bothering me and am still learning to speak up earlier and how to speak up most effectively. I am also learning that there are some things that need to be worked out privately or with a trusted friend and not brought up to my sig other. Of course, there are other things that should never be brought up to anyone but my sig other.

      • Paul Friedman Post authorReply

        Eliza,
        Systematizing past actions that had an adverse effect is a “negative” approach which relies on trial and error. The “positive”, or proactive approach we take at The Marriage Foundation requires study of marriage, and thereby focusing primarily upon using marriage wisdom to decide which actions will lead to happiness. We advise the first effort for all married, or soon to married, couples be study of marriage. Question or challenge what you study, so you are assured of the truths you learn, then put what you learn into action.
        That is the most efficacious marital effort one can take.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *