Of all the things required for marriage that you may have on your wedding planner the number one requirement to get married is almost always overlooked. The greatest requirement to get married is a shift…a what?
Its no surprise you have no idea what I am talking about. In fact when you read further you will, if you are like most people, think you already knew this. But you don’t!
A shift is when you change your thinking and ways of behaving. Its like when you go on vacation and you shift from work mode to vacation mode. You do it automatically for a vacation. But when you get married the shift that is a requirement to get married is anything but automatic.
In fact, the premarital education you get is mostly to teach you how to make the shift, because even when you know you have to make it, it is not natural, or intuitive. It demands special efforts, for which we have techniques, like the SEW.
You see, the world is a competitive, dog eat dog, world of struggling to survive. On every level of life, from your physical biology to socially, your efforts go into survival. Isn’t it true? Of course it is! So you have been creating defenses your entire life in order to survive. They are completely automatic.
You protect your money. You guard and defend your opinions and fight back, sometimes fiercely and sometimes passive aggressively, when there is any “threat”; often as if your life depends on it. This is natural! But you cannot do that once you have chosen your life-mate. You will burn each other out.
The most important requirement to get married
You now have to shift your relationship to your beloved. And it is going to take some focused and specifically directed effort.
You cannot treat your husband, or wife, like you do everyone else in the world. You cannot allow your subconscious defenses to pop up with them. You have to become aware of them. You have to stop them in their tracks, and shift them to reacting lovingly, even when your mind is subconsciously certain of impending “danger”.
The period of time it takes to complete the shift, and it is never 100%, is about three years. That.s why we suggest waiting to have kids for that long. But shift, you must. Without this effort your marriage is doomed; right from the start…you are welcome.