If you are suffering through post honeymoon blues right now, it is not funny, and not cute. It is serious. If you do not deal with it now, the amount of “stuff” you bury will eventually overwhelm your marriage. And when I say bury, you should take that to mean ignore, pretend its not happening, wait for it to “blow over”, or however you want to call it.
The feelings that there is something missing should not be reduced down to “the low after the high”. There IS something missing, and that “something” is the very foundation of your marriage; it is missing; and it is not too late to change things around.
Love is the most misunderstood part of marriage, and of all life. Love has been crucified by humankind, and lowered to the status of an emotion; which it is NOT. True that there is emotional love. but that is a misnomer. Emotions are reactive. Love is our essence, and the essence of all. Love is very deep; infinite. Emotions are shallow; here one moment, gone the next.
You are very deep. But you do not till the soil of your essence; love, because you have been caught in the whirlwind of outer activities and petty emotions; too often supported by alcohol. Then you wonder where is the high you were feeling…it is a matter of “understanding”.
Here is what you can do. Obviously, we recommend you both take our pre marriage course; but we are realistic, and know most people actually think they know enough about marriage to make it work. So we will at least try to steer you in the right direction.
- Be aware of your mind’s tendency to wander here and there. Then experiment with stopping thoughts you do not like, and replacing them with thoughts you approve of. Your mind is not you, but is yours; a possession. Control it!
- Open your heart. Love is from the physical heart, not the mind. Feel it there, not n your mind. This will help you connect better.
- Be giving. Instead of wondering what your needs are, make your life about giving to your soulmate. The purpose of marriage is to experience unconditional love. You will only get it by giving it.
It is, of course, much better to study anything you want to be good at, and how could you not want to be good at marriage? So, talk it over. Be open about your not feeling so high right now. See if you both want to give marriage education a go. It has worked for those who try it, and it will work for you as well.