Not All Premarital Counseling Is Created Equal

I like to peruse other premarital counseling courses because I want every marriage to succeed. Most of the marriage advice I come across, including premarital education, is more harmful than beneficial.

 Premarital Counseling

I look out for clear misinformation about marriage. If there is only one thing amiss, I let it pass, because they might have meant something else. Unfortunately, it’s usually an indicator that they are purveyors of generally accepted, but really dumb, ideas.

Here are a few yellow and red flags. If you see them mentioned, you should be suspicious of the whole course.

1) Communicate your complaints with “I” statements

This advice sounds good on paper but all it translates into is “bitch and moan politely.” Saying “I” feel annoyed by your actions is no different than “you’re” annoying me. The idea of using “I” statements must have come from someone who never tried it with any intelligent, sentimental human being.

The real ideal to strive for: Never complain, criticize, or condemn. When you resort to blame in any form, you are asking your soulmate to change to accommodate yourself; that never works. Never mind that it is unfair!

2) Establish each of your roles in your marriage

NO! The goal of marriage is to learn to love unconditionally. The roles each of you adopt will evolve, naturally and organically.

3) Be completely honest

One should always strive for an authentic relationship based on honesty and integrity. But there are many things we think or feel, temporarily, that not even the birds should hear about. Honesty that comes out in arguments might just make matters worse.

Be very careful when it is time for you and your fiancé to choose a type of premarital education. Be critical of it until you are convinced the course is 99% accurate and will help your marriage. Marriage is the most important thing you will ever have. Get the best premarital advice you can.

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