The stories about people who get engaged right away, then get married within months, or even weeks, are very romantic. Unfortunately, we only hear about the ones who stay married for a lifetime. But that is not what usually happens.
Statistically, the numbers tell a pretty sad story for those who rush into marriage; and that makes total sense! Doesn’t it?
One study finds that couples who were dating and engaged for at least two years and four months did much better. The logic is pretty simple. And to bolster the common sense of waiting, I will list some important reasons to wait to get engaged.
- You cannot trust “emotional” love. Not all love is just emotional. The kind that of love it takes for marital longevity is “divine” love; very different. The emotional love you feel when you are first together may be the result of any one of a number of causes. It could be your drive to procreate. It could be infatuation caused by outer stimulation…all the “loves” you feel in the beginning are temporary. Marriages are successful when couples learn how to create the deep connected love which is pure and calm.
- Your growing right kind of love will set a lifetime pattern. When you are pretty sure you are going to get married is when the courting begins. That is the time to begin your premarital education so you create the foundation for your marriage. The period from when you begin til you get married should be filled with your ever-growing love. The daily improvement in your relationship will set you up for a failure-proof marriage.
- All your doubts and fears will evaporate over time. As you get to know each other, and practice the SEW and other marriage enhancing techniques you will move right into marriage with unmitigated confidence. That is the best way to begin your marriage.
Before You Get Engaged
The period of time before you actually get engaged is called courting. It is an important time that should be spent getting to know, and understand, one another. There will be some discoveries you and your beloved will make that may not set well. You have to decide if you can live with the flaws you discover. Otherwise you will pay a heavy price.
The rule of thumb is this. Once you clearly see the worst flaw of your intended, decide; will this ruin our marriage? Can I sincerely overlook this flaw? Because people do not change very much. The flaws they come in with are going to remain, and it not your place to ask them to change.
We generally say, if you do everything right, meaning you have used our dating course, or our premarital course, you should be okay to get engaged in a years time. Just be cautious. Getting married is for the rest off your life!